Why do I eat so slowly? Well, mostly it is because I chew very thoroughly (including mashed potatoes). But when it came to hotdogs, I had another reason. When I was young, I would cut the hotdog up into pieces, arrange them on my plate, and garnish them with ketchup and mustard. Nothing odd there. But wait! Here it comes: I would play "school" with them. The tallest one would be the teacher and then arranged in a semi-circle around her would be the students. I would think of a reason why one of the students would need to leave the classroom: Sally needed to go to the bathroom; Bobby (always the name I gave bullies) tried to trip Sally on her way out and then was sent to the principal's office; Joey got sick and had to go to the nurse; etc. As they exited the classroom (plate) they would go into my mouth. But they would not get eaten until I'd thought up a reason for them to leave class. 
My family members had no idea I was creating plots for my hotdogs. I guess I was off in my own little world. Did I mention that we did not have a TV? I had to create my own entertainment!
19 comments:
Marreee...Tell me that's NOT mustard on your Mac and Chez!
Oh My goodness....xoR
All I knew was that Rebecca was #1,
Mom and myself a close a 2ed and 3ed,and no really ever know when Mary left the table.
I did not ever think creatively at eatting/ However it is a good idea to do with my kids they will get a kick out of doing this. Although I asure you that I will not take the time the put a "hat" on all of the sudents, pure students.
Yes, it is mustard on my Mac & Cheese! Very observant. I can't believe I forgot to mention that. I will blame that on my older sister, Rebecca. She was the first to do that. (Although she may adamantly deny it). It is really good. My husband even likes it.
You are funny, Ruth. You didn't know when I left the table :-) I remember that you didn't care for Mac & cheese. There tended to be a lot on your chair when you finished.
Ruth, you don't put mustard & ketchup on hotdogs? Please, don't feel like you have to pass any of my odd ideas on to your children.
Yes, that is mustard on the mac and cheese. And that certainly did not come from their mom. I always put ketchup on mine. No wonder you took so long eating, Mary, making up stories to eat your food up. But it is much better than gobbling it down like your grams. I don't know who eats quicker, Grams or Lady.
Love, MOM
Ketchup on mac and cheese--Yuck! I'd forgotten that, Mom. How could you stand it? :-)
Rebecca said to tell you that she does NOT deny it. I'm thinking of seeking counseling for her starting next week... And, let's just be honest about it. ANY condiment on mac and cheese is downright sinful! If there had been a disciple named Kraft, I'm sure it would have been mentioned in the Bible somewhere. "Behold! Thou shalt eat thy mac and cheese plain. If thou refuse to eat thy mac and cheese plain, all thy hotdogs shall be smote with personalities and condemned to the Den of MaryChompers!" Yep... It's a sin.
Brian,
We are all beyond counseling help. I wonder where Rebecca got the idea?
You know you want to give in to the sinful indulgence of condiments on mac and cheese. Try it. Find out what the hype is about. [sinister whisper]
I would like to know where to formally lodge a complaint regarding your "poll" on the front page. To even suggest that mac and cheese sans condiments, as instituted by the Great Roman Emporer, Macus Cheesyius, is boring is to be... well, it's just plain wrong! Where's the love?
I believe if one were to search through the underlying causes of the burning of Rome around 67 A.D., one would find that Emporer Nero had insited a general fury among the masses by instituting a "Mustard-only" policy for those rich enough to indulge in the delights of elbow noodles and powdered cheese sauce. The name itself, mac and cheese, stems from the same latin word that brings us the term, "macabre." It was considered such a grievous action when Nero added mustard to his "cheesy pasta," as it was then known,that the Roman Senate coined the term, "Macabre," to reference the undeniable horror of adding anything to such delectable goodness.
Search your history... Even in your own family, you'll find that the Trail of Tears had it's basis in a group of Cherokee located in North Carolina, selling out that part of the nation who insisted that it was OK to add "the white man's yellow sauce" to the delight know then as, "Wampum-n-Cheese." They were only trying to keep pure what should remain pure.
Really, I'm surprised this isn't all common knowledge. What exactly did they teach when you were in school??? :)
Brian,
This blog does happen to be mine and therefore I have every right to slant the language of my poll to reflect the absurdly unimaginative nature of those who prefer mac-n-cheese "sans condiments."
How dare you bring my ancestors into this debate? Such a low blow. Even according to your own so called history it was the plain "Wampum-n-Cheese" Cherokees who sold out their more enlightened brothers over something as petty as the "white man's yellow sauce."
Well, don't think that your insult to my ancestors has hurt me in the least. Such a tactic might have worked with my sister, Ruth, who probably received a majority of the Native American genes. Have you ever seen a Cherokee as white as myself? I inherited the Irish genes as is evidenced by my hazel eyes and ivory skin (and if you look incredibly close on a sunny day and hold your mouth just right--red highlights in my hair).
And before you have a chance to unveil a heretofore unknown "history" lesson about the Irish, allow me: During the potato famine that swept through Ireland beginning in 1845, the Irish began eating mac-n-cheese in the absence of their beloved potatoes. It did little to alleviate their despair. That is until a friendly young Scotsman named Mustard MacCheese who lived right across the border in Scotland invented a way to put an end to their plight. He showed his Irish friends that mac-n-cheese was almost as good as potatoes with a wee bit of mustard added to it. When the famine ended, the Irish were so impressed with what mustard did to mac-n-cheese that they began adding it to mashed potatoes. This secret ingredient has been passed down from generation to generation to this day. I learned from my grandmother that mashed potatoes are especially yummy when you add a little honey Dijon mustard. So top o' the mornin' to ya.
First, that woman you call "sister" says to tell you she's impressed with your history lesson. I find it repugnant, but then, I also find it abhorrent that one would consider defiling such a dish with mustard. Really, I shouldn't expect to hold you or Rebecca to such a higher standard.
I'm pleased that you were able to learn that small bit of Irish history. You are aware, of course, that the IRA (Irish Republican Army), as originally formed around the turn of the 20th century, was a para-military group whose sole purpose was to rid their fine Irish roots of the blasphemous teachings of Mr. MacCheese. Even in our own United States, the MacCheese clan has continued it's assault on the senses through the hawkish personality of Mayor MacCheese. It's well documented that Mayor MacCheese was eventually recalled by his constituents (Grimace, Hamburglar, Ronald Macdonald, et al...) when he attempted to introduce the MacMustard dish. Today, Mayor MacCheese is living out the remainder of his pathetic life on a small island in the Florida Keys, an outcast to the society he had so wished to corrupt.
I assume that you, a graduate of a Bible seminary, are aware that the Puritans retained such a name due to their tenacious resolve when it came to mac-n-cheese. They had originally thought to name it "Elbow Noodle Rock," but were overturned by a crafty curmudgeon who had stolen passage in the bows of the ship. His question was simple, really... "Doest thou wish to go down in history as a group of brethren whose sole claim to fame was naming a rock? Verily I say, thou wouldst much more benefit to be known for thy beliefs than thy wit." Sadly, this group of able-bodied men and women succumbed to the wiles of Mr. Plymouth. History does vindicate this initial voyage, though, and the devotion they had to living life to a higher calling. The original Thanksgiving Dinner actually sparked the ensuing wars with the Indians, as an unsuspecting young warrior had brought along a mustard plant in an effort to contribute to the festivities. That was an insult far too grievous, and was the culminating event that led to what would become known among the Mohican Indians as, "The Mustard Massacre." I would refer you to them for validation, but such was the outcry that the entire tribe was eventually eliminated.
If you wish to continue holding dear your horrid mixture of ingredients, I can not help you. The first step in getting help is admitting that you have a problem, and you are apparently not there yet. Perhaps in time, you will soften your heart and listen to the true teachings of our forefathers. Until then, rest assured that I stand ready to lend my support should you ever find cause to desert your present ways.
We're here to help, Mary... Just let us know when you are ready.
Wow, Brian and Mary, you are so good at rewriting history!!
And have such humor when you do it.
MOM
I hold out hope that we will make a condiment convert of you yet, Brian. You see, I have been successful with Dwight. He is so totally converted that he had to ask if he was the one who introduced the idea to me. He has even taken it a step further. He puts spicy mustard on his mac-n-cheese.
Rebecca, please control your envy. There is hope that you will be able to influence your sons to appreciate mac-n-cheese eaten properly. They in turn, may be able to influence their father to put aside his traditional notions about plain and boring mac-n-cheese and venture into the delectable adventure that awaits his palate if he will but succomb to a taste of mustardy mac-n-cheese. I hear that he has trouble resisting his cute boys.
I might not care for the Mustard Mac recipe, but I have enjoyed this thread!
Well, right up until I learned that Dwight was a traitor to the cause... I'm *very* disappointed.
Gramps wants to know if you are going to put these new history lessons in your library, Mary??
Mom
We all had a good laugh over yours and Brian's diatribes.
Brian,
Dwight says he would like to invite you to join him on the dark side. Don't be scared. It will be ok.
I've really enjoyed this thread too. We'll just have to agree to disagree.
Gramps,
I will definitely have to include the Irish history I created in my library, but as to the other "histories"--I dare not pollute young mind.
Excuse me? You dare not pollute young minds??? Aren't you the one, along with Dwight, who are inviting me to the dark side? How much more polluted could one become, especially after the distasteful Mac-n-cheese disgrace...
I guess I shouldn't expect too much from Dwight... He did go to Florida, after all... :)
:sigh: I don't think I'll ever be able to look at hot dogs or Mac and Cheese the same way ever again after reading all of those "little known history" lessons. And anyway, I don't eat hotdogs. Do you KNOW what is in there?! Blech! As for the M&C, either sans or decorated with any condiment, my advice to both Mary and Brian would be to hold a peace meal over Ranch and Bacon Pasta Salad and skip the M&C altogether. Now THAT is some yummy goodness!
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